Identity can be conceptualized within two primary categories: personal identity aspects and social identity aspects. Personal identity refers to a person’s conception of themselves and the distinction that you are an individual, separate from others. Personal aspects of identity encompasses abilities, traits (physical or otherwise), sense of purpose, values, and beliefs. Group identity refers to the parts of our identity that are derived from the groups we belong to such as race, gender, or sexuality. But wait. Aren’t our values and beliefs influenced by larger groups of society, our families and our communities? And don’t we also in turn participate in how our families and communities are created, defined, and operated? Of course. The answer is yes. The more you try to separate what is you (personal) and what is others (social), the more obvious it becomes that the two are inherently interconnected. Identity is a relational process. Others have a say in the formation of our identity, as we do for theirs. After all, we choose how we present ourselves to a degree, but how we are perceived is not entirely up to us. Everyone has their own lens. It’s a story co-created by many. Each person has their individual story and is also part of a larger narrative. 

Benefits of Strengthening Your Identity

There are many benefits to having a strong sense of personal identity, or knowing your own story well. Being secure in your personal identity, values, and morals, impacts self-esteem and confidence in decision-making and transitioning through life stages. Recognizing and strengthening identity aids in deep reflection. Our identity influences how we see the world and ourselves. Everyone has a lens through which we perceive and interpret. Understanding our lens is understanding ourselves, where our ideas come from, why we think what we think, and believe what we believe. By working on our understanding of ourselves and our lens, we are able to face adversity with resilience. 

At a social level, we impact each other’s personal stories. Having a strong sense of identity can lead to opportunities for connection with others, improving our relationships. When we are perceived how we want to be perceived, we feel seen – a feeling of being recognized and appreciated for who we are. We can have conversations with those that want to be active, intentional co-creators of each other’s stories. When we share pieces of our identities with those similar to us, this is easy. Of course we support that which we already feel comfortable with, retell stories we already know by heart. But this connection process is achievable even with differences. To make someone feel seen even when their experiences don’t align with yours, you must be able to acknowledge and set aside your own lens as absolute. An opportunity to form a new narrative presents itself. 

Strengthening Your Identity and a New Narrative

Historically, certain identities have been marginalized and oppressed. Adversities have been ignored or reinforced. Successes achieved in spite of identity-specific barriers, have been dismissed or exploited. But so many have worked hard to change the past narrative by recognizing barriers and decreasing the power and impact of those narratives. When we identify and acknowledge a barrier that is significant to the experience of another but not our own, that is broadening our lens. That is the opportunity of connection I am emphasizing, the beginning of change. We can all participate in this change by strengthening our own identity and widening our lens to co-create with others. As we do so, we will experience all of those aforementioned individual benefits as well, benefits of connection, flexibility of mind, awareness, and true collaboration. 

I like this story. I want to keep contributing to this story together. No one person or entity can decide our story for us. Strengthening and reclaiming our identities is an act of resilience and empowerment. I invite you to strengthen your own identity and actively participate in building this narrative together. 

Strengthening Identity

As mentioned earlier, strengthening aspects of your identity can offer many benefits. Here are some tools to get started. 

Values

Your values might differ depending on your environment or different parts or domains of your life (e.g. work, family, hobbies, etc.). Understanding how your values differ in these environments helps us to reflect on what is most important to us and allows us to align our behaviors and decisions with those guiding values. Here is a checklist for several different domains that you can use to reflect on what sort of values are most important to each area.

What values feel most true to who you are today? To take it a step further, you might explore where these values began to develop for you and what reinforces them (e.g. family, social media, etc.) 

“I am” Statements

One way to “look in the mirror”, so to speak, is to write “I am” statements about yourself. These could be obvious statements regarding race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, etc. Or it can describe your actions, profession or life phase, such as “I am a student” or “I am a young adult.” It can describe who you are in relation to others, “I am a parent.” Or it may describe something more abstract like your personality, “I am funny”. Which parts of your identity are most important to you? Which parts do you embody and are perceived by others most often? How does this change with your environment? Which “I am” statements feel empowering? Which feel imposed or disconnected from your true self? (If you feel like getting creative with this exercise, you might try an “I am” poem.)

Externalizing

One process by which our identities are influenced by larger social systems is internalization. Internalization occurs when ideologies or social norms are adopted as part of our personal identity or self-concept. Internalized messages can impact us in different ways. Some may be positive and contribute to our self esteem and others may make us feel inadequate. Stigmas, stereotypes, and other harmful messages about particular groups may be internalized by the individuals of that group, taking those beliefs onto themselves and resulting in decreased self-esteem or disconnection from their true identity. Or these beliefs may be reinforced by those not part of the group by pushing the beliefs onto others as the social narrative. In either case, we can reverse the process by externalizing our beliefs and ideologies, giving us more control over the impact of these messages and our response. 

We can begin this process by identifying a specific belief, identifying all the parts of life that influenced the formation of this belief, and then identifying all of the parts of life that it impacts. One way to do this is by making a visual map. First, you will identify a specific belief you would like to work on. You will then draw three columns on a piece of paper. The left column will represent what parts of your life have had a hand in the formation of this belief and its reinforcement. The center will represent your reactions. Here you can explore scenarios of what might happen if you acknowledged this belief as separate from yourself. Naming it and observing it is gaining power over it. In the third column, you will write the areas of your life that the outcomes to these scenarios will impact depending on how you decide to engage with the belief or not. What beliefs are you operating off of that you feel you didn’t have a choice in the formation of? What would the belief look like if you could reform it to better serve you?

Widen Your Lens

Now that you have reflected a bit about your own identity, you can begin widening it.

Curiosity Exercise

You are now more aware of the aspects that make up one’s identity. You and a consenting partner might widen your lens by exploring together each other’s identity through a curiosity exercise. Pretend you are writing an article about them or painting a portrait. You are the interviewer, and your collaborator is answering questions. Then switch places. You both might discuss parts of your identity and relevant experiences that each of you are comfortable with sharing. In this exercise, check in with your thoughts and feelings often. Try to take note of them without judgment. What did you think or feel when your collaborator identified themselves similar to how you identify yourself? What about when they identified differently? When did you or your collaborator feel seen and why?

Exploration

There are many resources available to reach and hear other voices. Some voices have been lifted and others are struggling to be heard. Similar to the exercise with your collaborator above, we can extend the same curiosity and flexibility of mind to those we do not know personally and whose experiences are different from ours. Choose an experience relevant to someone else’s identity that you do not share and are unfamiliar with. First reflect on what that experience might be like from your lens. Then imagine what that experience might be like from theirs. What would it be like to imagine how their experience might affect the view of themselves? Their view of the world? What information might you be missing to answer these questions and what resources might you seek out to find them?

*This worksheet was created by Dr. Russ Harris, author of multiple books and texts on Acceptance and Commitment therapy.