The role of a therapist is a fascinating one, filled with complex dualities. Today, I invite you to reflect on the duality between the expert—the part of ourselves as therapists that seeks to align knowledge and education with our clients’ lived experiences—and the learner—the part of ourselves that steps aside, allowing our clients to guide our connections and interpretations.

As therapists, we must become comfortable navigating this space. Leaning too heavily on one side can have negative consequences, not only for those we serve but also for our own sense of self. Over-reliance on the expert may hinder our ability to let clients arrive at their own answers, turning therapy into a mechanical process aimed at achieving an empirically proven outcome—an approach that, unfortunately, rarely aligns with reality. When the expert fails, our sense of self may suffer, as though the limitations of empirical data are somehow our fault.  On the other hand, relying solely on the learner may leave clients without the guidance they need, as expertise is essential in redirecting and reframing thought patterns. When the learner fails, the sense of self also falters. Imagine a therapist who clings too tightly to expertise: their responses become prescriptive, rigid. Conversely, a therapist who leans only on curiosity may hesitate to intervene, leaving clients feeling directionless. The true art lies in weaving both—guiding while remaining open to discovery.

Balancing the Expert and the Learner

I invite you to explore the space between expertise and curiosity. To do this, we must acknowledge that neither aspect of ourselves can solely bear the responsibility of guiding and walking alongside our clients. In accepting this, we may experience relief—relief in knowing that we do not carry the full weight of our clients’ healing, but rather serve as conduits in their journey toward deeper self-knowledge.

Perhaps balancing these two essential parts of our therapeutic selves means allowing our expertise to inform how we learn. Just as we remind our clients that they are not mind readers and cannot flawlessly anticipate others’ needs, we must extend the same understanding to ourselves. We cannot expect clairvoyance in therapy. It is within this realization that we uncover the path to humility in our work.

This has shown up in my own work as the learner pulling insight from the expert, and using this insight to direct the questions I ask; guidance through curiosity if you will. Perhaps my expert part perked its ears when something my client said sounded a lot like anxious attachment, but rather than saying “ ya know that right there sounds like anxious attachment” I allow my learner part to ask “I’m curious, what allows you to believe that you are valuable to your partner?”. As I put the pieces together through curiosity, I gain insight, and I can implement both my learner and expert in ways that are of greater benefit to my client. 

Changing How We Learn

As an undergraduate, I had a guest speaker in my Introduction to Counseling Skills class share a statement that resonated deeply: “Everyone makes sense in the context of their own story.” Let’s break this down into three key elements: making sense, context, and story.

• Making Sense: To “make sense” is to give meaning to something, addressing the universal need to be understood and to belong—whether in the hearts and minds of those around us or through the validation that our experiences, identities, and vulnerabilities matter beyond ourselves. 
• Context: This refers to the internal and external factors that shape an individual’s lived experience. It includes self-concept, systemic influences (e.g., relationships, micro/macro/meso-systems), and the dominant narratives surrounding a person’s identities. Another way to view context is by exploring the intersections between identity and external systems. 
• Story: I see a client’s story as a rich, unique, and expansive narrative that has shaped the person sitting across from me in therapy. I choose to honor their story as a sacred text, one I am privileged to read alongside its author. If safety is established, I may help them edit, rewrite, or reframe entire chapters—or even a single sentence. A client’s story is among the most profound and illuminating aspects of our work as therapists.

The expert alone may struggle to appreciate the significance of bearing witness to a client’s story, seeking instead to fit it into empirical frameworks. The learner alone may lack the ability to provide clarity or alternative perspectives. The learner may hesitate to guide clients toward connections between identity and systemic influences, while the expert may overlook the deeply personal impact of lived experience. The expert may fall short of fostering belonging and acceptance, whereas the learner may struggle to chart meaningful pathways toward emotional and physical security.

However, when balanced through humility, the expert and the learner together say: “Teach me, so that I may be better equipped to guide you in ways that feel safe and gentle. I may not have all the answers, but I am present and willing to walk this journey with you.”

An Invitation to Reflect

I invite you to engage in an exercise in humility, approaching the following questions with gentle and kind curiosity toward yourself:

• When do I notice that I feel as though I have all the answers? What might I experience if I challenged this belief?
• When do I feel hesitant to offer insight into a client’s story? What might I experience if I believed I had something of value to contribute?
• In what settings does my Learner show up more than my Expert? In what settings does my Expert show up more than my Learner?
• What elicits fear, anxiety, or self-doubt for my Learner part? For my Expert part?
• What would allow clarity, confidence, or calm to emerge through balancing these parts of myself?
• When do I feel most certain in the therapy room? When do I feel hesitant? What would it be like to loosen my grip on certainty—or step into my expertise with confidence?

By embracing the interplay between expertise and curiosity, we can cultivate a therapeutic presence rooted in humility—one that fosters growth, understanding, and deep connection with those we serve. As I am writing, a saying that comes to mind is “knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad”. Wisdom is about discernment, the ability to know when to, and when not to. In therapy, wisdom is not found in having all the answers, but in discerning when to guide and when to learn. In this balance, we create space for true transformation.