What is your Current Attachment Style? Harmony Pathway

What is your Current Attachment Style?

You understand that this quiz is not a diagnostic tool and does not provide medical advice nor diagnoses. This quiz is merely for educational purposes only.

1 / 10

1. When I experience difficult emotions, I:

A. Share them freely with trusted people.

B. Keep them to myself.

C. I don't want to burden others with my big emotions, so I often try to deal with them on my own, or drop hints that something is wrong until someone asks me.

D. Whenever I try to express what I’m feeling, things always seem to get worse; my behaviors don’t always match what I’m feeling.

2 / 10

2. When I try to share emotional experiences:

A. I share them freely with trusted people, in a regulated, measured way.

B. I Don't.

C. I implicitly and explicitly let them know that something is wrong until they approach me.

D. I try to be vulnerable but often lash out and become defensive when doing so to avoid pain.

3 / 10

3. If someone communicates they are upset with me:

A. I listen attentively, take responsibility when appropriate, and discuss how to avoid upsetting them in the future.

B. Shutdown or distance myself.

C. Over-apologize or try to defend myself.

D. Fluctuate between B and C.

4 / 10

4. When I have an interest to share positive news, I:

A. Share freely because I believe others are happy for me and interested to know when good things happen to me.

B. I will it keep it to myself or announce it in an indirect manner (e.g. social media) but I do not expect anyone to engage.

C. Keep it to myself ensuring not to annoy anyone, or share constantly looking for clues that the other person is interested.

D. I will oscillate between sharing or keeping to myself and may become suspicious of motives when others engage or offer me praise.

5 / 10

5. When experiencing conflict in a relationship, I:

A. Assume the other person still wants to connect and stay open to repair and problem-solving.

B. Try not to think about it or remind myself I will be okay alone.

C. Assume that I am in the wrong or cannot tell if what I am feeling is right.

D. Fear that the other person is trying to hurt me.

6 / 10

6. When receiving affection, I:

A. Give back freely and feel comfortable communicating when I don’t want to reciprocate.

B. Have difficulty reciprocating; may distance myself further or set strict rules about how to approach me.

C. Give back even if I don’t feel comfortable or wonder if their behaviors are genuine.

D. Oscillate between reciprocating or distancing, becoming dysregulated due to feeling a variety of intense emotions.

7 / 10

7. When asked to interact with someone in a different way, I:

A. Take feedback and implement changes in my behavior out of respect for the other person's boundaries.

B. Distance myself; if you don't appreciate me for me, you don't deserve me in your space.

C. Feel as though I have done something wrong and get really hard on myself, making changes in my behavior in order to appease the other person.

D. Feel both a need to change my behavior, while also feeling defensive about having to change my behavior, resulting in me lashing out or becoming cold and distant.

8 / 10

8. When I feel a need for connection with someone, I let that person know by:

A. Expressing my need confidently and clearly, taking into consideration where the other person is emotionally.

B. I don’t let this person know, and I try to tell myself that I don’t need connection, or, I might get angry or upset if I feel like I have to ask for connection.

C. Expressing my needs in an almost apologetic way, as though asking this person for what I need is a burden.

D. Needing connection can be really scary and confusing though I want to, so I express a desire for closeness, feel overwhelmed, and either become withdrawn or lash out to avoid pain.

9 / 10

9. If I notice a shift in tone or cadence in someone, I:

A. I communicate what I noticed and let the person know I’m open to discussion.

B. Feel agitated and keep my distance.

C. I assume something is wrong and try to find out more in roundabout ways or ask frequently what is wrong.

D. I often feel confused about what my role is in such situations and fluctuate between B and C.

10 / 10

10. When I need help with something, what do I do?

A. I don’t hesitate to ask, I know people who love me will support me.

B. Help? Why would I ask for help when I can figure it out on my own?

C. I either wait for others to notice that I need help or I tend to ask repeatedly.

D. I sometimes avoid and sometimes ask; I may become dysregulated in either case, especially if I ask and the answer is no.

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